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What’s going on over here??? How have you guys been? Have you missed me? I know, I know, I am horribly bad at this blogging life. But I’m getting better! I mean, last year, I think I only blogged like twice. So this is much better. But that is not much of an excuse so I will just say forgive me. I think it’s just because I have no one to be accountable to about it. Most of my friends don’t even know about this page (and that’s just how I like it!)
Anyway, I am here because my interest got piqued by a certain topic I got into earlier this week. And that is Emotional Baggage (cue the fireworks)
I guess I can begin the seemingly traditional way… Boy meets Girl. Boy and girl talk and boy thinks girls is the best thing since applesauce (don’t judge me; I’m a twenty something that likes applesauce). Boy asks girl out and girl agrees. They start dating. Both are on cloud 9 and everything is perfect in the world. Time goes by and boy asks girl to marry him, girl ecstatically says yes. They get married. Within the first year, they start having trouble. She says he is too angry and he says she is too sensitive. How did we miss this earlier when we were dating? What happened?
What might have been ignored is the amount of emotional baggage each of them was bringing into the relationship. I use marriage because it is harder to get out of (I believe in marriage for life) so I prefer to use it for my example in this case. Each person in this scenario has so much that has happened to them in the past that has colored the way they see the world and perceive themselves.
The discussion I got into discussed a man who has felt powerless all his life feeling the need to overcompensate, having anger issues and the likes. Plus a woman who has been molested and made to feel worthless all her life feeling the need to reward any man she gets approval from through her sexuality. These things are very in-depth and it is not something that can be dealt with easily in one day. However, steps need to be taken to tackle the issue because if that does not happen, the relationship will either break or the people involved will be miserable all of their lives.
This does beg the question of why people refuse to seek professional help when they need it. Some people refuse to admit they have baggage while others just figure they can fix it themselves or they don’t need outside help. This is the fastest way to wreck yourself. My people! Talk to someone! Well not just anyone, but talk to a professional! These people are there for a reason and they can give you the necessary help to deal with your emotional baggage and be free to live a fulfilled life. If you don’t, well then, your reality is bound to be unnecessarily unpleasant. Why would you want to do that to yourself?
As for me, life is too short for me to be miserable. I will be the first to admit that I have my own share of baggage. However, I plan on figuring it out and fixing it however necessary. I plan to live a happy and fulfilled life, no excuses!
But then, what do I know, I’m just a wondering little one 🙂
What do you guys think about baggage and how it affects relationships? Are you open to getting help or just going with the flow and letting life happen as it will? Speak your mind please 🙂
So I have been awol for so long (covers face in shame). I truly have no excuse so I won’t make any. I guess I just feel little motivation to blog seeing as things are the way they are. I am not here to complain though cos some things are great as well. Thank God for that.
I recently went back to Nigeria for the first time since 2012. I went for a cousin’s wedding and just to go visit again! It was great! I got to see a lot of people I haven’t seen in a very long time and meet new people as well. I realized just how much I love that place and that if everything worked out altogether well, I would have no issues living there. That being said, NEPA (electricity issues), mosquitoes, food poisoning that had me almost unable to move, and general rowdiness made me SMH a few times. I would have loved to post a few pictures but I want to protect everyone’s privacy including mine and so I won’t.
On another note, I finally met Lagbaja! For those who had no reaction to me saying that because you have no idea who that is, I will explain. Growing up, I have always loved music! But there are not too many musicians that I have the attention span to stay with forever and love them continually. For me, Lagbaja is one of the few. I began listening to his music before I even knew what he was talking about most of the time. He mixes humor with satire with political consciousness and delivers amazing beauty that will keep you moving, singing, laughing and thinking all at the same time. He has also written some amazing love songs that will make you want to fall/stay in love. All in all, I love him!
So imagine my excitement when I find out he would be performing in my city and I had an opportunity to be a part of it! (CLOUDDDD 99999999999999) I went, I listened, I danced, I laughed, I interacted, I learnt some of his other songs that I didn’t even know and eventually I got him to sign my CDs and got some pictures with him, even a Selfie! You have no idea how much that made my week. I am still excited! I got to meet someone I really respect and enjoy. I will post some pictures of him. And you can find out more about him on his page (www.lagbaja.com)
Anywho, I’m really just here to say hello. There are some pressing issues on my mind but I do not want to get into it today. I will be back soon to discuss those… hopefully.
First off, I have to apologize profusely for the long long silence on this blog. It is not a concrete excuse but my excuse is that I have started my Masters and it has been quite a change from what I am used to. Please bear with me and know that it is not my intention to not post and I will truly try to do better!!! Now I could not stay away because this post was just on my mind and I couldn’t get away from my mind.
I woke up today, feeling happy that I didn’t have to go to school – not for classes or for work and that I could stay in bed. As usual as with my nosy self, I went on Facebook to see what was going on. I was just reading through statuses and checking out pictures when I saw a status update from one of my former schoolmates and while she is not an incredibly close friend, I do consider her more than just an acquaintance. It went thus…
In April of 2011 I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Ovarian Cancer. After surgery, four rounds of chemotherapy, testing blood, night sweats, and tears of frustration, I stand tall and happily say that I am celebrating my first year of remission. My faith, family, friends, and will of determination got me to this day and it’s also what will get me through the road ahead. For those who I didn’t share my
story with, I ask for your understanding. I did not want to burden you with the knews of my ailment. For those who have lost a loved one to this horrible disease, I weep for your loss and will stand with you to help find a cure. But I ask you all now to learn from my horrible mistake and not take your health for granted. Find the time to go for your yearly check up. Thank you again to my family and friends who supported me through this journey. May God bless all of you as He continues to bless me.
A.C. (Full name withheld to protect the person)
Now, the first thing that came to mind is that she was joking. Or maybe she was speaking on behalf of someone else’s experience. I guess my brain didn’t want to process this. This is someone who is probably just one or two years older than me. So I went to her page and stalked her and saw comments people put on the status. Then I looked at her pictures and saw her with short hair from when she was getting chemo and I was just astounded!!! My goodness. There are justr some things that you don’t think can/will happen to you or people your age, especially now. I have always thought of things like cancer as ailments to worry about when you are older and she had it? Stage 3 Ovarian cancer!!! I have been shaken since morning. I have written a message on her wall, sent a message encouraging her into her inbox and I have just been praying and thanking God for her.
This evening, I was thinking about her and how strong she has become and how her perspective has changed on life and other things because of what happened to her. That got me to wondering, why do we wait for things to go bad or for bad things to happen before we decide to think right? Why do we wait for life to go wrong before we decide to make deals with God to change our ways or live life to the fullest? I was sitting here, even after reading her status and having her come to mind from time to time today and I was complaining about the fact that I am here now and I am bored and alone and I haven’t gotten to know people and be the social butterfly that I usually am. Then I was wondering, is that my first priority? I have so much work to do for school that I am not doing. And if I want to know people, why won’t I put myself out there and get to know them instead of over-wondering about it? And instead of complaining, why don’t I give thanks to God for the opportunity to be able to further my education? Many people want to and they can’t! Many people like A want to, but due to sickness, they are not able to at the moment. But instead of having perspective, we just complain and moan about the things that are not going well.
Apart from that, how many people can actually handle something like this without falling apart? I understand that she had family and friends to support her but even with that, how many can actually get through this without falling victim of depression or thoughts of suicide? I was thinking about it and I just decided I don’t even want to imagine how I would deal with something like that! Just thank God everyday that He has been so wonderful to me.
What I took away from her story the most was that it is important to not ignore signs and symptoms when your body is trying to tell you something is not right (this includes your mind and spirit as well – health is not just physical). Get the necessary help when you need it! You never know the worse thing you avoid by doing that. I also learnt to take life by the horns and live it to the fullest. Life is short! Appreciate each day and take advantage of it to touch someone’s life. You don’t know how many lives A touched by her simple status today (It got me back to my blog didn’t it :D) I have decided I will keep praying for A. She will stay in remission from now on and not have to deal with all the negative emotions that have to do with that horrible disease every again and none of us will have to deal with it either. Thank God for life everyday and make the most of it! That is today’s message.
Ps – I am discontinuing the 30 days thingy for now but I will upload actual stuff. Oh and hello all!!!!!! Thanks for reading!!!!!
I am so happy to post this. I wrote an article for a good friend of mine on his page and I am really happy about the response it has been getting. Please check it out at http://www.360nobs.com/2012/02/franque-presents-heart-aint-a-brain/comment-page-1/#comment-27132. Read comment and feel free to return here and say what you feel as well.
30 day challenge will return soon enough. Sorry I know I’ve been cheating on it but I’m trying, bear with me.
Have a wonderful weekend everyone!