Author Archives: BlackPearl
What’s going on over here??? How have you guys been? Have you missed me? I know, I know, I am horribly bad at this blogging life. But I’m getting better! I mean, last year, I think I only blogged like twice. So this is much better. But that is not much of an excuse so I will just say forgive me. I think it’s just because I have no one to be accountable to about it. Most of my friends don’t even know about this page (and that’s just how I like it!)
Anyway, I am here because my interest got piqued by a certain topic I got into earlier this week. And that is Emotional Baggage (cue the fireworks)
I guess I can begin the seemingly traditional way… Boy meets Girl. Boy and girl talk and boy thinks girls is the best thing since applesauce (don’t judge me; I’m a twenty something that likes applesauce). Boy asks girl out and girl agrees. They start dating. Both are on cloud 9 and everything is perfect in the world. Time goes by and boy asks girl to marry him, girl ecstatically says yes. They get married. Within the first year, they start having trouble. She says he is too angry and he says she is too sensitive. How did we miss this earlier when we were dating? What happened?
What might have been ignored is the amount of emotional baggage each of them was bringing into the relationship. I use marriage because it is harder to get out of (I believe in marriage for life) so I prefer to use it for my example in this case. Each person in this scenario has so much that has happened to them in the past that has colored the way they see the world and perceive themselves.
The discussion I got into discussed a man who has felt powerless all his life feeling the need to overcompensate, having anger issues and the likes. Plus a woman who has been molested and made to feel worthless all her life feeling the need to reward any man she gets approval from through her sexuality. These things are very in-depth and it is not something that can be dealt with easily in one day. However, steps need to be taken to tackle the issue because if that does not happen, the relationship will either break or the people involved will be miserable all of their lives.
This does beg the question of why people refuse to seek professional help when they need it. Some people refuse to admit they have baggage while others just figure they can fix it themselves or they don’t need outside help. This is the fastest way to wreck yourself. My people! Talk to someone! Well not just anyone, but talk to a professional! These people are there for a reason and they can give you the necessary help to deal with your emotional baggage and be free to live a fulfilled life. If you don’t, well then, your reality is bound to be unnecessarily unpleasant. Why would you want to do that to yourself?
As for me, life is too short for me to be miserable. I will be the first to admit that I have my own share of baggage. However, I plan on figuring it out and fixing it however necessary. I plan to live a happy and fulfilled life, no excuses!
But then, what do I know, I’m just a wondering little one 🙂
What do you guys think about baggage and how it affects relationships? Are you open to getting help or just going with the flow and letting life happen as it will? Speak your mind please 🙂
So I have been awol for so long (covers face in shame). I truly have no excuse so I won’t make any. I guess I just feel little motivation to blog seeing as things are the way they are. I am not here to complain though cos some things are great as well. Thank God for that.
I recently went back to Nigeria for the first time since 2012. I went for a cousin’s wedding and just to go visit again! It was great! I got to see a lot of people I haven’t seen in a very long time and meet new people as well. I realized just how much I love that place and that if everything worked out altogether well, I would have no issues living there. That being said, NEPA (electricity issues), mosquitoes, food poisoning that had me almost unable to move, and general rowdiness made me SMH a few times. I would have loved to post a few pictures but I want to protect everyone’s privacy including mine and so I won’t.
On another note, I finally met Lagbaja! For those who had no reaction to me saying that because you have no idea who that is, I will explain. Growing up, I have always loved music! But there are not too many musicians that I have the attention span to stay with forever and love them continually. For me, Lagbaja is one of the few. I began listening to his music before I even knew what he was talking about most of the time. He mixes humor with satire with political consciousness and delivers amazing beauty that will keep you moving, singing, laughing and thinking all at the same time. He has also written some amazing love songs that will make you want to fall/stay in love. All in all, I love him!
So imagine my excitement when I find out he would be performing in my city and I had an opportunity to be a part of it! (CLOUDDDD 99999999999999) I went, I listened, I danced, I laughed, I interacted, I learnt some of his other songs that I didn’t even know and eventually I got him to sign my CDs and got some pictures with him, even a Selfie! You have no idea how much that made my week. I am still excited! I got to meet someone I really respect and enjoy. I will post some pictures of him. And you can find out more about him on his page (www.lagbaja.com)
Anywho, I’m really just here to say hello. There are some pressing issues on my mind but I do not want to get into it today. I will be back soon to discuss those… hopefully.
I know it is a bit overdue… especially considering it is already the 27th day of the month but I still gotta say it so… HAPPYYYY NEWWWWWW YEARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I pray this new year bring you many good things and that the desires and plans you have for this new year work in conjunction with what God (or the universe – whatever you believe in; for me, that is definitely God) has planned for you! Here is to a better, healthier and saner 2015 for us all, me especially!!!
Now that I have gotten that bit of peppiness out of my system, let’s get to the nitty gritty of things. I will be the first to admit that this is kind of a sucky topic to pick as my first topic for the New Year but hey… it is what it is and it is what I need to discuss right now so here goes…
Ever been so sure of something? So sure in fact that you already begun announcing it to the people in your life? So sure that it is going to happen that you don’t even stress as you go through the process of putting the thing in place? Then SPLAT! You fall flat on your ass face and the said something does not happen. You are left wondering how that could possibly be the case and trying to figure out exactly where things went awry.
I know I haven’t spoken deeply about myself so far on this space but I’ll try to start now. I was looking for a job and since I hadn’t had much luck, I decided to find a part-time job. I was so sure in my being qualified for the job as well as my charm (hehe) that I did not stress about the interview or anything. I even got to go back for a second interview. You can imagine my surprise when I did not even make it home from the second interview before I got an email that stated that I was not a right fit for them!
Excuse me??? Not a right fit??? Why? How so? A whole me!!! Wonders shall never end. I even wrote a gracious “Thank you” email to them and asked them why I was not a fit, to which I still haven’t gotten a response back. I will be honest with you, I cried my brains out! It seemed to reinforce my already low esteem of myself and my belief that I am unemployable. I couldn’t believe it! I thought I did great! And not they were telling me I sucked!
Well, after giving myself the rest of that day to wallow and cry it all out of my system, I told myself to suck it up (I can be quite strict with myself). I was incredibly disappointed but it is what it is. Life is not always going to go the way I want it to go – and this is a very big lesson that God has been teaching me these days and it is a very hard lesson but I am learning. I feel like the job situation was like a test and even though I might have failed it, considering how sad I got, I am learning more and more daily.
So the lesson to take home is this: Disappointments are going to happen – they are a part of life. When they happen, even if you need a little time to deal with it however you choose, don’t wallow. Take it all in stride. Learn what you can from what happened and how you will use that to make the next experience better. In my case, I think I know why I was not accepted for the job I was so sure I was going to get. It did teach me to not waste my time with some things but also to better develop myself in some other areas before I put myself forward for some opportunities. Overall, it wasn’t a total loss and while I am still not employed, I am building myself up to be better for whatever I eventually get doing.
So, how about you? Have there been instances where you faced disappointments that tried to pull you down? How did you deal with them? Did you wallow a bit like I did or did you snap back immediately and move on?
PS – I am already doing a good job this year! If I can blog at least once a month, I will feel accomplished! Here’s to continuing good habits. Wish me luck!
So… I’m just gonna slide on in here and act as if I have not been AWOL since 2012 and we are all going to go along with that yeah? Good!
HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!! Omgosh! It has been so long! SO the last time I even wrote, I had just returned to the US and was doing my masters. I am done with that now and I am job hunting. I have moved forward on so many levels and I have stayed in the same place on so many other levels as well! But that is a topic for another day!
As I chill in bed at 1:12 a.m on December 31st, 2014, I have to take stock on the year. I have always heard people say that a certain year was the hardest they have every experienced and I have always taken it at face value. This year was that way for me. Oh my goodness! if someone had told me how this year would be, I would have thrown a drink in their face and called them my enemy. But it is true what they say that you don’t know your own strength until all you can be is strong. I have no choice! And I cannot give up so… I have kept on pushing through everything that has happened. Looking back on the year, I am not 100% happy, but I am 1000% thankful. I feel like this has been a year of learning for me and I hope I don’t fail to make use of those lessons.
That being said, I have some aims/plans for 2015. I am writing them on the blog so as to have an ever available reference point. So, here goes…
- Be more thankful (I feel like I complained so much this year. Even when things are not going well, I know what thankfulness can do so I should do better)
- Procrastinate less (Yeah! Big Huge problem for me so I need to work on that!)
- Plan my time and life better ( actually create to do lists and utilize them!)
- Read more ( I do read already… but mostly novels. I have to read development books more than I did this year)
- Write/Blog more! (You guys don’t understand how much stuff runs through my head that I need to put down and I have an avenue so I need to attend to it more)
- Travel more (Self-explanatory)
- Restrict myself from people more (My personality is the kind that draws people to me. This could cause some toxic relationships to develop. I need to break those and permanently nip them in the bud! I don’t owe them anything)
- Volunteer more ( I used to love doing this, I don’t know what happened to me
- Pray more (My relationship with God is so important… it needs to be better developed!
- Get along with both my brothers!
I am going to stop here even though there are more things but I’ll consider those later. I will do a quarterly checkup to see how I am doing with these aims. Hope God helps me with them.
Of course, the most obvious one would be seeing if I do blog more or not.
Hope to see yall soon!
First off, I have to apologize profusely for the long long silence on this blog. It is not a concrete excuse but my excuse is that I have started my Masters and it has been quite a change from what I am used to. Please bear with me and know that it is not my intention to not post and I will truly try to do better!!! Now I could not stay away because this post was just on my mind and I couldn’t get away from my mind.
I woke up today, feeling happy that I didn’t have to go to school – not for classes or for work and that I could stay in bed. As usual as with my nosy self, I went on Facebook to see what was going on. I was just reading through statuses and checking out pictures when I saw a status update from one of my former schoolmates and while she is not an incredibly close friend, I do consider her more than just an acquaintance. It went thus…
In April of 2011 I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Ovarian Cancer. After surgery, four rounds of chemotherapy, testing blood, night sweats, and tears of frustration, I stand tall and happily say that I am celebrating my first year of remission. My faith, family, friends, and will of determination got me to this day and it’s also what will get me through the road ahead. For those who I didn’t share my
story with, I ask for your understanding. I did not want to burden you with the knews of my ailment. For those who have lost a loved one to this horrible disease, I weep for your loss and will stand with you to help find a cure. But I ask you all now to learn from my horrible mistake and not take your health for granted. Find the time to go for your yearly check up. Thank you again to my family and friends who supported me through this journey. May God bless all of you as He continues to bless me.
A.C. (Full name withheld to protect the person)
Now, the first thing that came to mind is that she was joking. Or maybe she was speaking on behalf of someone else’s experience. I guess my brain didn’t want to process this. This is someone who is probably just one or two years older than me. So I went to her page and stalked her and saw comments people put on the status. Then I looked at her pictures and saw her with short hair from when she was getting chemo and I was just astounded!!! My goodness. There are justr some things that you don’t think can/will happen to you or people your age, especially now. I have always thought of things like cancer as ailments to worry about when you are older and she had it? Stage 3 Ovarian cancer!!! I have been shaken since morning. I have written a message on her wall, sent a message encouraging her into her inbox and I have just been praying and thanking God for her.
This evening, I was thinking about her and how strong she has become and how her perspective has changed on life and other things because of what happened to her. That got me to wondering, why do we wait for things to go bad or for bad things to happen before we decide to think right? Why do we wait for life to go wrong before we decide to make deals with God to change our ways or live life to the fullest? I was sitting here, even after reading her status and having her come to mind from time to time today and I was complaining about the fact that I am here now and I am bored and alone and I haven’t gotten to know people and be the social butterfly that I usually am. Then I was wondering, is that my first priority? I have so much work to do for school that I am not doing. And if I want to know people, why won’t I put myself out there and get to know them instead of over-wondering about it? And instead of complaining, why don’t I give thanks to God for the opportunity to be able to further my education? Many people want to and they can’t! Many people like A want to, but due to sickness, they are not able to at the moment. But instead of having perspective, we just complain and moan about the things that are not going well.
Apart from that, how many people can actually handle something like this without falling apart? I understand that she had family and friends to support her but even with that, how many can actually get through this without falling victim of depression or thoughts of suicide? I was thinking about it and I just decided I don’t even want to imagine how I would deal with something like that! Just thank God everyday that He has been so wonderful to me.
What I took away from her story the most was that it is important to not ignore signs and symptoms when your body is trying to tell you something is not right (this includes your mind and spirit as well – health is not just physical). Get the necessary help when you need it! You never know the worse thing you avoid by doing that. I also learnt to take life by the horns and live it to the fullest. Life is short! Appreciate each day and take advantage of it to touch someone’s life. You don’t know how many lives A touched by her simple status today (It got me back to my blog didn’t it :D) I have decided I will keep praying for A. She will stay in remission from now on and not have to deal with all the negative emotions that have to do with that horrible disease every again and none of us will have to deal with it either. Thank God for life everyday and make the most of it! That is today’s message.
Ps – I am discontinuing the 30 days thingy for now but I will upload actual stuff. Oh and hello all!!!!!! Thanks for reading!!!!!
I’m mostly a jeans kinda person so most days find me in jeans. Today isn’t any different. I am wearing blue jeans and a black, grey and white button-down shirt. The shirt has ruffles on it as well. Blue sandals and black earrings. I’m really lazy so won’t wear any type of heels unless it’s a really special occasion. That being said, I do love heels and I have a collection going 😀
Since today’s blog piece is so short, I’m including a pic of moi so you see what I’m wearing. Enjoy and have a great day.
I like my body. Not love but like. And it wasn’t even always like. All things considered though, I have the stereotypically good body shape.. (ie bust, hips, butt). I am 5’7 and I love every inch I have. I love being a tall girl. I also weigh a bit (but nobody can ever tell). I’m around 150lbs but most ppl guess 120-130lbs when they see me and are in shock that they are wrong.
Like I said, I like my body. It is relatively easy to find outfits that flatter it and to find outfits that emphasize the good parts and hide the imperfections. The compliment I get most times is sexy which I have actually come to hate because I feel like it is focusing on physical assets too much. A friend once told me that when a girl is seen as sexy, the man is automatically thinking of getting her naked and seeing all those curves at their most basic. That is just nasty to me! I would rather be cute or pretty but what can I do at this point. Its even worse when I wear heels before everything is emphasized.
All things considered though, I am rather comfortable with my body. I don’t dodge mirrors (I used to do this at one time) and I don’t have any problem seeing it at its barest. Whenever I feel like I’m gaining weight, I try and work out and get it back in shape as I like it but that’s not always easy seeing as I love to eat and don’t like working out too much :d. I have a natural athlete’s body (people always believe I do one sport or the other as well and I don’t do any) and I like that. If I were to compare, I guess Serena Williams would be about my body type (I don’t think I’m as curvaceous as she is though but kind of like that.
Guess that’s it.
5 Guys I find attractive
5) Trey Songs – I have been in love with him for a long time. The very first song from him was ‘Just gotta make it’. I fell right there and then. He has a great smile, looks like every woman’s dream and his voice is just on point! I am happy at his continued success and I would so love to meet him and just view him in real life!
4) Channing Tatum – I fell in love with him from the first step up movie and I’ve been following his movies since then. The man is tall, cute and romantic. He can dance and that’s like a 1000% plus in my book! And did I mention he is cute??? Sigh! Moving on!
3) Adam Levine – This is the lead singer on Maroon Five and is also someone I adore for a while now. He is soooo cute and rather unlike the men I’m usually attracted to but he just has this pull. He’s a mix of cute and sensitive and rockstar and sweet and hot all together into one package and I love it! Can sing too and mehn! Songs about Jane was a beautiful album and he just has his own type of Swag that he makes work for himself! Yeah I’m sprung!
2) Djimon Honsou – He is an African brother (from Benin Republic) and gosh he is just a gorgeous specimen! He eludes that strength of the stereotypical african man. You just believe he would be able to protect you from anything! I really love that he is doing big things and he is not beautiful in the stereotypical way but he eludes his own brand of confidence and sexiness. I would so love to have one date with him and pick his brain and just enjoy his company (heaven save me ooo. I don’t even know if the brother is married :d)
1) Ryan Gosling – I swoon just thinking about him! Have you seen his eyes! And his smile! And his intensity! And his features! And his BODY! And his skill!!! Ok obviously I ADORE him but what can I say? The man is just very adoreable :D. First movie I saw was the notebook and he was just so roguish and he just continued from there! Gosh I really adore him! So much so I put on my bbm the other day, his picture and a caption saying I’m sprung. I really am and he is definitely worth it! Gosh! Ok I’m done.
People who almost made the list –
-Shemar Moore – gentlemanly charm is sweet sha~
– Usher – that love affair has been going on since I was 13. Don’t mess with it!
What about your own list of 5 men you find sexy and attractive? Lemme have it!
My family – comprises of dad, mom, bro 1, me and bro 2, right in that order.
Dad – growing up my dad was a strict disciplinarian. You stay in shape and stay in line and you were alright. This worked well for me since I was a rule keeper and since I really didn’t want to be punished so I stayed in line and did most things right. So much so that most times I got punished, it was usually because of something I did in conjunction with bro 1. Either fighting him or following him into trouble :D. Dad has really mellowed out now though. Old age plus other things iGuess. Besides we are grown now so at this point, all he can do is pray and talk. Its bro 2 that is enjoying this mellow dad.. Sometimes I wish he met strict dad though! The boy is enjoying!
Mom – She is what my people like to call an Arinka, Waka-Waka. She has always being on the move. I had her till I was maybe 6 then she moved to South Africa till I was 9. She came back, with bro 3 in toll and when he was 2, she went to the US again. I didn’t really get to know her or live with her until age 13 so we weren’t cool at first. I held on to my status as daddy’s girl but now we are peas in a pod. Mom is beautiful, vibrant, energetic, always doing one thing or the other, always involved in one business or the other, always poke-nosing into your own business.. (She feels it’s her right as your mother) and I mostly love her for it! Mom and Dad have this relationship, they are like giddy friends who gist and gossip about things. This is good, except when they fight, they need someone else to gist and gossip with. That is not good for us kids so we pray they don’t fight at all. They are fabulous parents though.
Bro 1 – He is… He’s the hardest to describe I guess. He’s my big brother but there is only 2 years between us. I can’t say much about him but I do love him to death. Oh the boy is a fine boy! As in he is finer than me! And I am a girl!!! Like girls are always asking to hooked up with him and mamas are always trying to match make him with their daughters. He is very charming (we all are in our family) and very much a people’s person and people just love him automatically. He is fun to be with and I love hanging out with him. We have issues sometimes because we both have strong personalities but he has my back and I have his anyday!
Me – Well.. This one you will keep getting to know as you go on with the blog. Just that I’m the middle kid and the only girl and I love the only girl part. Any other thing, you will know as time goes on!
Bro 2 – My love! My little baby! He was born 5 months before my tenth birthday, after I had given up on having a little sibling. He’s presently in boarding school and he’s soooooo cute! Of course he doesn’t appreciate me calling him that and he’s trying to be a big boy. Its not easy growing up with older sibilings. The age gap is huge so its like having 4 parents. He’s also growing up into a handsome young man (seriously, how unfair is it that the 2 boys in the house are finer than the one girl! Ah well.. Such is life). Anyway, I’m dedicated to making him into a gentleman since I believe there are so few but he really is a sweetheart, considerate, kind and helpful.
That is my family in a nutshell. I have to apologize for not having posted in a long time. I’m being a bum about writing but I will finish this thing! Can’t wait to finish and start writing other things though. Already so many ideas flowing through. Thanks for reading and please comment even if just to say hello. Cheers all~
I am soooo grossly ashamed of myself! Can’t believe I haven’t posted in sooooo long! I have no excuse even and I sincerely apologize.
Today’s is a relatively easy one so here goes…
Put your music player on shuffle and write the first 10 songs that play…
1) Yolanda Adams – The Battle is the Lord’s
2) J-Martins- Good or Bad
3) Casting Crows – Lifesong
4) 2 Face – Implication
5) Michael Buble – The Way You Look Tonight
6) Asa – Indian Song
7) Boys II Men – End of the Road
8)Kaysha – On Dit Quoi
9)Bob Marley – Turn your lights down low
10)Chrisette Michelle – Love in You
That’s it for today, again, apologies for being awol. Comment on my ten shuffled songs please, lemme know what you think of my taste in music from what you can see on this list.. Have a wonderful day 🙂